It’s Complicated

I see way too many people marrying somebody they know for less than a year. I don’t get it.

What’s wrong with that?

I would prefer marrying somebody that I know very well.

Knowing somebody for a long time won’t guarantee successful relationship. There are numerous example of long relationship that ended up badly.

Don’t you think you want to know what is your wife really like? Don’t you think it would be weird being committed to somebody you barely know. You don’t understand her feeling, what makes her mad or what drives her crazy. All you know is limited to what appears in the surface, and it would be scary when you find out who she really is. By the time you know that, there’s no way out. I always thought that the more you know somebody, the more you understand them and you will get comfortable around them. Before you decide to buy something, you will read any available information, ask people about it, make comparison, because you don’t want to make wrong decision after you pay a substantial amount of money. If you do that, then why would you trust somebody you have just met?

I can see that you’re a pessimist. What if it turns out to be the best decision you have ever made in your life? Sometimes it doesn’t take too long to figure out who is the right one for you. Just like the movie My Best Friend’s Wedding, you meet somebody new and she is so amazing and inspiring and you want to be a better person and spend the rest of your life with her. Just like when you want to buy shoes or dress, there’s no need to browse the whole store and try everything, you decide you want to buy it as soon as you lay your eyes on it.

But we’re talking life-time commitment here. What if she turned out to be difficult to handle? And how can those people find it so easy to switch from normal to relationship-seeker mode and then decide to marry somebody they just met? Why don’t they look in their circle instead and see if, let’s say, their friends are available. How can they choose new person over their own friend?

I don’t know, maybe their friends are not as attractive as this new girl?

That’s shallow and you know it. And how about interest? I guarantee you have more things in common with your friends than this new girl. Okay, just say that she’s pretty and hot. Then you two marry and have kids. In five or ten years you will bore each other to death because you have nothing in common.

That’s exactly what you two have in common: kids and family. Your theory about similar interest is nonsense, most of the times it isn’t relevant at all. It doesn’t matter how little you two have in common, as long as you have the same direction: to make the marriage works and make each other happy. If you want to discuss about your hobby then you can go to your friends.

Don’t you want to have both from your wife?

I don’t want to push my luck.

From what you said, I get the feeling that you don’t believe love can grow out of friendship.

No, because the longer you know someone, the more they turns into a sexless object. You don’t see them as marriagable person anymore, because you have seen them in bad conditions: they probably snore, swear a lot, pick nose, snippy, whatever… And I tell you, those are real turnoffs.

Well then I guess in that case, I’d better meet somebody new and trick him into marriage before he knows me too well and realize what an unattractive crazy mess I actually am. I will try to resist being my own self until I marry him, or if he’s lucky, for the rest of my life.

Wait, I didn’t say that…

-the end-



  1. menurut aku penting banget Mbak punya pasangan yang udah kita kenal banget dia kayak gimana terus “nyambung’ atau punya minat yang sama atau paling nggak bisa saling menghargai dan mengerti juga mau terlibat sama hobi satu sama lain. karena kalau udah tua nanti, di rumah ga ada anak-anak dan ga bisa ngapa2in lagi yang bisa dilakuin kan cuma ngobrol. Kalau ngobrolnya aja udah gak nyambung mau gimana lagi 😦


  2. saya punya teman, pacaran dari SMA dan kemudian menikah.
    saya punya teman, kenalan beberapa minggu lalu menikah
    jodoh ya seperti itu.
    dalam pernikahan itu, komitmen yang penting, nggak ada syarat mutlak harus mengenal satu sama lain secara mendalam. sebab mengenal luar dalam seseorang baru bisa dilakuin ketika makan bareng dan tidur bareng di satu rumah serta beraktiftas bersama-sama dalam waktu yang panjang. sebab mengenal seseorang secara keseluruhan butuh waktu sepanjang hidup 😀


  3. Soal jodoh ini memang complicated. Ada yang sudah pacaran lama akhirnya bubar dan ada juga yang pacaran dalam waktu relatif singkat dan kehidupan pernikahannya harmonis dan langgeng. Aku setuju kalau sebelum komit satu sama lain harus betul-betul mengenal calonnya, jangan sampai setelah komit ternyata ada hal yang fatal yang tidak bisa diterima. Kalau diteruskan akan menimbulkan penderitaan dan kalau bubaran sudah terlanjur komit. Susah kan kalau begitu?


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